I am in the 2WW again. Actually about a week into it. This is the last Hurrah for a while. We've decided we are going to put TTC on hold. Another sibling, another BFP. It's all we can take. Matt's brother and his wife chose Christmas day to announce that she is expecting again. The still live with his parents (and have since they got married) they don't help out much with the housework or the bills, their baby is only 8 months old, they expect everyone around them to help take care of him Just hours after announcing they were pregnant again she told him "you have to take him I've had him since we got here!" Like an hour and a half, and he spent most of that being passed around the house. He of course replied with "Give him to Dad or to Stephanie or someone. You know I can't ever get him to go to sleep." Yes, I am bitter. Yes, I am probably acting childish (I certainly did that day). Yes, I am still going to put TTC on hold. We aren't going to be preventing. I don't believe in hormonal birth controls and Matt has a latex allergy anyway so our options would be limited. I won't be trying though. No pills, no herbs, no supplements, no waking up early to temp, no over-examining every freaking change in my body.
It's a relief actually. We decided this on Christmas Day, but I waited until I was sure before writing about it here. We are working on weight-loss now. Fact is.....I'm fat. I got that way by eating whatever I wanted and not exercising much because "it might delay ovulation" or "it might keep me from implanting". I was overweight before I moved out here, but in three years I've gained forty pounds or so. Now I am just fat. For a little while longer.
The day after Christmas I started eating healthier and smaller portions. I also bought two DVD's and plan to get more over the next several weeks. Before we start TTC again Matt and I both want to lose 65 pounds each. You can view my new weight-loss journal HERE
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Round Three
I definitely started. I am now on cycle day 3 which means I start my Clomid tonight. I am also going to the doctor in a couple of hours to see about getting an antidepressant. I hate to do it, but I am so tired of always being unhappy. Hopefully this will help me keep my mood swings in check and give me a chance to function normally in society. I wrote a little bit about it over on my main journal if you want to read that. HOME IN THE HEARTLAND. I just don't want to go in and be told I have to stop trying to get pregnant. I really don't believe that will do me any good. Besides....I plan on doing that in a few more months if this medicine doesn't work. I just want to give it a chance to do what it is supposed to do. It's definitely doing something judging by my last cycle. I have 3 more refills. That means if I am not pregnant before then, my last round of Clomid will be in March 2009. That's also the 3 year mark. If I make it to three years I plan on taking a break, losing a ton of weight and just getting generally healthier (physically and mentally) and save up some money before I try again. Then I'll try a couple months on my own and if nothing I'll call in the big guns (IVF) I just have to convince Matt that IVF is an option we can consider. He's kind of holding me to a comment I made during a moment where I was severely depressed earlier in the week. I said that I didn't want to buy any more OPK's or HPT's and that if Clomid didn't work I was done. That I wasn't putting any more money into something that was never going to happen. He seems to think that he will be fine if we never have more kids and that since he is okay with it, I should be too. The fact remains....I'm not. I've tried to be, but I want more children. I want at least one more baby, one more time to experience all of it.
I guess for now all I can do is pray that the Clomid works and that if it doesn't, I can convince Matt to change his mind.
I guess for now all I can do is pray that the Clomid works and that if it doesn't, I can convince Matt to change his mind.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Maybe?
I think I might be starting my period. Maybe. I say maybe because I thought I was starting on Saturday, and then it went away. Now it's just starting to reappear. Not sure if it's going to stick around this time or not. Time will tell. My temperature has dropped a few days in a row, so this is probably it.
I am of course upset that I'm not pregnant after all. At the same time, I realize that surely it's only a matter of time. The medicine is working. My body is doing what it's supposed to now, so surely I'll be pregnant in no time. 3 seems to be a magic number for a lot of ladies who take the meds that I am on. There are a ton of them that got pregnant during their third cycle on the meds, so we'll see. This will be my third cycle on the meds, and cycle 33, so maybe that means triple the luck? lol
I am of course upset that I'm not pregnant after all. At the same time, I realize that surely it's only a matter of time. The medicine is working. My body is doing what it's supposed to now, so surely I'll be pregnant in no time. 3 seems to be a magic number for a lot of ladies who take the meds that I am on. There are a ton of them that got pregnant during their third cycle on the meds, so we'll see. This will be my third cycle on the meds, and cycle 33, so maybe that means triple the luck? lol
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The end is near
I'm 14 dpo today. I had some spotting yesterday. I convinced myself that we had just irritated my cervix earlier yesterday. (Hey, when the kids are away the parents will play!) Now, I'm thinking it's much more likely that AF is knocking on my door. I have a backache like I usually get when it's time for my period, and my temperature plummeted this morning too.I'll probably start my period later today or tomorrow.
While it's disappointing, I have to realize that I've had a "normal" text-book cycle, and I have to be happy about that. I'll just keep hoping that the next cycle is "THE ONE".
If by some miracle my period hasn't started I'll test again Monday or Tuesday.
While it's disappointing, I have to realize that I've had a "normal" text-book cycle, and I have to be happy about that. I'll just keep hoping that the next cycle is "THE ONE".
If by some miracle my period hasn't started I'll test again Monday or Tuesday.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Another milestone
It really amazes me how much trying to conceive takes over your life. Or how much the little things can make you jump for joy. I'm officially at 12 dpo, and no spotting yet *knocks on wood* There might have been a very faint line on my test today. Not totally sure. I am going to get a test from the dollar store tomorrow and use with caution. While they have their issues, they are also generally more sensitive than the First Response tests I've been using.
Matt's laughing at me because even though I said I wasn't going to obsess over symptoms....I get excited over all of them. I wake up, check my temp (and comment on it) press on my boobs to see if they are still sore (and get excited to realize they are) Go to the bathroom to check cervical position and CM, realizing on the way that I am now dizzy in the mornings (and excited about that too). Heartburn, nausea, headaches, frequent trips to the ladies room, and being bloated also excite me. I've never been so happy to feel like crap in my life. lol
Something else pretty great happened today. At least great in my book. I've been hosting on and off at JustMommies for about a year and a half now. I started out co-hosting on the fertility charting board in July of 2007. I've hosted six different boards there. I started with the fertility charting board and the TTC 6 months + board. I had to step down from them because I lost my internet access for a while. Then I moved on to the TTC 1 year + board (Life got to crazy when Sierra was first diagnosed with epilepsy so I stepped down from this one) and the Secondary Infertility board (which I still host) for a while I was hosting the In The News board (news got to stressful). Recently a position on the main Trying to Conceive board opened up, and I had wanted to co-host that board since I joined JM. Well, today I found out that I have been nominated as host of the month. Matt's first question was "Do you win something?" I laughed and said yeah, if I win I get a cool blinkie for my signature. The awesome thing in my mind though is just that my efforts have been recognized. I love hosting the boards, and it feels so good that the moderators have noticed what I have been doing and think I deserved this nomination.
They way it works is that the mods and admins decided who is deserving of the nominations, and then they open up a poll and let all the hosts get to check out the boards of those nominees and then vote on who does the best job. As cheesy as it may sound, I am just really honored that they nominated me! There are six other awesome ladies nominated, and they all do a great job. It just really excited me to see my name on that list. They'll announce the winner on Monday probably.
So anyway, that's my news. I might be pregnant, but even if it isn't I can't get too upset because my meds are doing what they are supposed to do (though I can't lie.....I'm going to be crushed if I am not). I've been recognized by the moderators on JustMommies and that feels great. Oh yeah.....and I feel like crap and that really excites me. If I am not pregnant I am definitely going to the doctor! LOL
Matt's laughing at me because even though I said I wasn't going to obsess over symptoms....I get excited over all of them. I wake up, check my temp (and comment on it) press on my boobs to see if they are still sore (and get excited to realize they are) Go to the bathroom to check cervical position and CM, realizing on the way that I am now dizzy in the mornings (and excited about that too). Heartburn, nausea, headaches, frequent trips to the ladies room, and being bloated also excite me. I've never been so happy to feel like crap in my life. lol
Something else pretty great happened today. At least great in my book. I've been hosting on and off at JustMommies for about a year and a half now. I started out co-hosting on the fertility charting board in July of 2007. I've hosted six different boards there. I started with the fertility charting board and the TTC 6 months + board. I had to step down from them because I lost my internet access for a while. Then I moved on to the TTC 1 year + board (Life got to crazy when Sierra was first diagnosed with epilepsy so I stepped down from this one) and the Secondary Infertility board (which I still host) for a while I was hosting the In The News board (news got to stressful). Recently a position on the main Trying to Conceive board opened up, and I had wanted to co-host that board since I joined JM. Well, today I found out that I have been nominated as host of the month. Matt's first question was "Do you win something?" I laughed and said yeah, if I win I get a cool blinkie for my signature. The awesome thing in my mind though is just that my efforts have been recognized. I love hosting the boards, and it feels so good that the moderators have noticed what I have been doing and think I deserved this nomination.
They way it works is that the mods and admins decided who is deserving of the nominations, and then they open up a poll and let all the hosts get to check out the boards of those nominees and then vote on who does the best job. As cheesy as it may sound, I am just really honored that they nominated me! There are six other awesome ladies nominated, and they all do a great job. It just really excited me to see my name on that list. They'll announce the winner on Monday probably.
So anyway, that's my news. I might be pregnant, but even if it isn't I can't get too upset because my meds are doing what they are supposed to do (though I can't lie.....I'm going to be crushed if I am not). I've been recognized by the moderators on JustMommies and that feels great. Oh yeah.....and I feel like crap and that really excites me. If I am not pregnant I am definitely going to the doctor! LOL
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Looking good!
I don't know if anyone who reads this knows anything about fertility charting, but I just had to come on here and squeal and jump up and down. My chart is normally really jumpy with a lot of up and down temperatures during the second half of my cycle, but this time it's been steadily climbing for the past 7 days. If it stays up a few more days it will be considered triphasic, which in many cases indicates pregnancy!!! I am trying not to get to excited, but it looks so nice! I have never had such a pretty chart.
If you look at this link, you can see my chart. The top one is the current chart. The bottom one is last cycles chart. You'll see the difference between the two. Usually they look like the bottom one, so I am hoping this might be a really good sign. I'd appreciate any prayers you can say for me. After nearly 3 years, I would LOVE for this to be it. And I'd be due on my Mom's birthday. Not that she's my favorite person, but she would actually be excited about something I had done that way. lol Anyway.....here's the link to my chart.
Stephanie's Chart!
If you look at this link, you can see my chart. The top one is the current chart. The bottom one is last cycles chart. You'll see the difference between the two. Usually they look like the bottom one, so I am hoping this might be a really good sign. I'd appreciate any prayers you can say for me. After nearly 3 years, I would LOVE for this to be it. And I'd be due on my Mom's birthday. Not that she's my favorite person, but she would actually be excited about something I had done that way. lol Anyway.....here's the link to my chart.
Stephanie's Chart!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Trying the relaxed approach
So we've been trying this relaxed approach this cycle. I haven't been posting because short of giving you details about my sex lifeI didn't temp or use OPK's or anything. I decided a few days ago to go ahead and start temping again so that I knew for sure when I ovulated. I was annoyed that Clomid wasn't making me ovulate any earlier than I normally did (ok...it did, but only by 1 or 2 days, which didn't help matters) so I was going to call my RE at the end of this cycle and demand that he upped my dosage. Well, I started temping on CD 15 and it appears that I ovulated on CD 14. A textbook cycle. Thank you Clomid! I am beyond thrilled! Kind of. Because I ovulated early I am not really sure that we covered our bases this cycle. We did get to BD the day before and the day after, but I would have done more if I had realized.
Anyway...that should mean that my period will show up earlier than normal. Hopefully right around the 28 day mark. I'm still waiting until normal time (day 30-32) to expect it though. IF it doesn't show I'll test on day 37 (December 15th). Timing would be awesome. If I get a BFP, I'd call my RE and he'd want to do an ultrasound at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, so around the 22nd of December and again around January 5th. I "could" see the heartbeat on the first ultrasound, and we've decided that once we confirmed a heartbeat we would tell the family. Sounds like a Christmas dinner to remember! lol That would also make me being due on August 16th. My mom's birthday is the 15th. For once I could actually do something right in her eyes. I'm not getting my hopes up too high though, because like I said......timing of sex wasn't that great this time.
I'll keep you posted.
Anyway...that should mean that my period will show up earlier than normal. Hopefully right around the 28 day mark. I'm still waiting until normal time (day 30-32) to expect it though. IF it doesn't show I'll test on day 37 (December 15th). Timing would be awesome. If I get a BFP, I'd call my RE and he'd want to do an ultrasound at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, so around the 22nd of December and again around January 5th. I "could" see the heartbeat on the first ultrasound, and we've decided that once we confirmed a heartbeat we would tell the family. Sounds like a Christmas dinner to remember! lol That would also make me being due on August 16th. My mom's birthday is the 15th. For once I could actually do something right in her eyes. I'm not getting my hopes up too high though, because like I said......timing of sex wasn't that great this time.
I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Not testing
I won't be testing. My period showed up. I'm on the fourth day of cycle #32. I am trying another cycle of 50 mg Clomid. I'm taking it cycle days 3-7, so bring on the side effects. If this cycle doesn't work I'll try one more and then I am asking for a change in dosage. You can only take this for 6 months and then you have to stop so I don't want to waste the entire 6 months doing 50 mg if it isn't helping. I'm a little concerned because I really think I should be ovulating earlier than I am.
This cycle I am trying a much more relaxed approach though. I am not going to be temping daily, and I am not going to be using OPK's. I will chart my cervical position and my cervical mucous so that I have some idea of when I ovulated, but I want a more relaxes approach. I desperately need a break, but I can't bring myself to stop trying, so this is probably as close to a break as I'll get till spring. IF I hit the three year mark (March) and still not pregnant then I might take a nice long break, but until then......I can't stop trying. Not even sure I will then.
Hopefully Clomid works this cycle and I don't have to worry about a break at all.
This cycle I am trying a much more relaxed approach though. I am not going to be temping daily, and I am not going to be using OPK's. I will chart my cervical position and my cervical mucous so that I have some idea of when I ovulated, but I want a more relaxes approach. I desperately need a break, but I can't bring myself to stop trying, so this is probably as close to a break as I'll get till spring. IF I hit the three year mark (March) and still not pregnant then I might take a nice long break, but until then......I can't stop trying. Not even sure I will then.
Hopefully Clomid works this cycle and I don't have to worry about a break at all.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Am I or not?
I've decided that nature is cruel! I ovulated 7 days ago. I still have to wait at least 5 more days to find out if it worked and I'm pregnant or if once again we were unsuccessful and my period is going to show up. It's so aggravating! I mean....there should be some way to immediately know that we are pregnant. Like the minute you finish having sex a light on your forehead comes on or something.
I am just eager to see if my medicine worked! I had my progesterone levels checked today. I forgot to ask them when the results will be back so I'll call tomorrow and see if they have them, but I am not counting on it with election day and all. Probably Wednesday. It would be nice if I get it tomorrow though.
It would also be nice if it's a nice high number indicating a possible pregnancy. I'll be satisfied if it's just up around 15 or so where the RE would like to see it though. Oh this isn't fair.
I am having some symptoms that *might* look promising, but after two and a half years of this I have learned that most symtoms can be brought on by pregnancy or by pending menstrual flow (yet another one of natures unfair situations) so I am not too hopeful yet. My breasts feel heavy and have this strange burning, crampy sensation and have for several days now. I've had a kind of full feeling and a dull ache in my lower abdomen. And I have been so moody. I mean, I have cried over freaking EVERYTHING lately. I've always been an emotional person, but this is crazy! And I am tired. So flipping tired. It's only 7:30 and I can barely hold my eyes open.
If I go to bed now will someone please come wake me up on the 15th when I plan on testing? lol
I am just eager to see if my medicine worked! I had my progesterone levels checked today. I forgot to ask them when the results will be back so I'll call tomorrow and see if they have them, but I am not counting on it with election day and all. Probably Wednesday. It would be nice if I get it tomorrow though.
It would also be nice if it's a nice high number indicating a possible pregnancy. I'll be satisfied if it's just up around 15 or so where the RE would like to see it though. Oh this isn't fair.
I am having some symptoms that *might* look promising, but after two and a half years of this I have learned that most symtoms can be brought on by pregnancy or by pending menstrual flow (yet another one of natures unfair situations) so I am not too hopeful yet. My breasts feel heavy and have this strange burning, crampy sensation and have for several days now. I've had a kind of full feeling and a dull ache in my lower abdomen. And I have been so moody. I mean, I have cried over freaking EVERYTHING lately. I've always been an emotional person, but this is crazy! And I am tired. So flipping tired. It's only 7:30 and I can barely hold my eyes open.
If I go to bed now will someone please come wake me up on the 15th when I plan on testing? lol
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I guess I did
So I did ovulate. It's not a question anymore. It just wasn't as early as I thought it was. It looks like our timing was good this cycle, so if the Clomid has done it's job, then hopefully by the 15th we will have a positive pregnancy test! I go for my progesterone test on Monday, Nov.3. I'll get the answers back on the 5th. Should be a 24 hour turn around but with election day it will take an extra 24 hours (unless I can get it done at the hospital...I'm checking into that....then maybe same day results). I'm trying not to get too excited but I am hopeful.
We decided to pick two names for each sex so that we are prepared just in case. We've already settled on our two names for boys and our possible girl names is down to a short list now. It's a bit harder to pick a girl name. There are so many that I like!
I've nearly finished crocheting one blanket, and I plan on making at least 2 more, 1 for a girl and one neutral. I'm also making little hats for boys, girls and neutral. I really think that all this TTC has finally started to eat away at my sanity. I caught myself rubbing my belly and talking to it earlier today. LOL If this is our cycle the baby hasn't even implanted and I am already talking to him/her. Yep....I'm starting to lose it!
We decided to pick two names for each sex so that we are prepared just in case. We've already settled on our two names for boys and our possible girl names is down to a short list now. It's a bit harder to pick a girl name. There are so many that I like!
I've nearly finished crocheting one blanket, and I plan on making at least 2 more, 1 for a girl and one neutral. I'm also making little hats for boys, girls and neutral. I really think that all this TTC has finally started to eat away at my sanity. I caught myself rubbing my belly and talking to it earlier today. LOL If this is our cycle the baby hasn't even implanted and I am already talking to him/her. Yep....I'm starting to lose it!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Maybe not
I guess I didn't O yet afterall. But I think I am getting ready to. Now I have to call the RE's office on Monday to find out do they want my bloodwork done on CD 21 or 7 dpo. In a textbook cycle, that is the same day. It won't be this cycle for me. My OPK today was so close to + that it isn't even funny. I'm expecting it to be + when I test again later today. I should ovulate in the next 24 hours or so. Guess what I'll be doing this weekend? lol I'm having cramps on my left side too, so that must be were I am ovulating from. Hopefully it's two eggs! I want twins!
I'm still hopeful about this cycle. It's early enough that I could have a normal luteal phase easily. I just really want to be pregnant so bad that it hurts! I'm running out of steam, and if I have to quit TTC......it will be so heartbreaking. I really think that part of me will die if I am never pregnant again. Maybe that sounds stupid, but I just want this so desperately. I've never wanted anything this much before!
I'm still hopeful about this cycle. It's early enough that I could have a normal luteal phase easily. I just really want to be pregnant so bad that it hurts! I'm running out of steam, and if I have to quit TTC......it will be so heartbreaking. I really think that part of me will die if I am never pregnant again. Maybe that sounds stupid, but I just want this so desperately. I've never wanted anything this much before!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I did. I think. Did I?
I think I ovulated. Which sucks. It sucks because Matt had been sick for a few days. There hadn't been any "deposits" lately. It's not completely impossible, but after 31 cycles, I'm realistic, and my chances this cycle aren't. It also sucks because I never got a positive OPK even though I was using a good brand and testing twice a day. For some reason my body just isn't working with them anymore. So frustrating!
My temperature was up today, which indicates that I probably did ovulate. Especially since I was cold and expecting it to be down. I couldn't believe that it was up nearly a whole degree. (4 tenths of a degree indicates ovulation) I did temp late this morning but if anything that should have made it lower instead of higher. I'll have to see what happens in the morning and the next day to know for sure, but I'm fairly certain.
There is a good side to this. I'm on cycle day 14. I don't think I have ever ovulated on day 14. It means that Clomid is doing it's job! I should have a nice long LP and if there are any swimmers in there that make it to the egg they should have time to fertilize and then the egg could implant before I start my period (which has been part of the problem in the past.....just ovulating too late and not having time for this to happen).
I want this to be the cycle that I finally get pregnant with a healthy pregnancy. It would be so perfect. We could have an ultrasound at the RE's office early on (around 8 weeks) and see the heartbeat. We've agreed to tell the family once we see the heartbeat (which can be seen as early as 6 weeks, but waiting until 8 weeks ensures that we should see it and will eliminate the chance of unneeded stress.) With the timing.....if we got it this cycle we could tell everyone at Christmas. That would be so fun! I'm hopeful, however after 31 cycles, I'm also realistic, and I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I guess we'll know in a few weeks.
I'm still not testing early though. It causes too much heartache!
My temperature was up today, which indicates that I probably did ovulate. Especially since I was cold and expecting it to be down. I couldn't believe that it was up nearly a whole degree. (4 tenths of a degree indicates ovulation) I did temp late this morning but if anything that should have made it lower instead of higher. I'll have to see what happens in the morning and the next day to know for sure, but I'm fairly certain.
There is a good side to this. I'm on cycle day 14. I don't think I have ever ovulated on day 14. It means that Clomid is doing it's job! I should have a nice long LP and if there are any swimmers in there that make it to the egg they should have time to fertilize and then the egg could implant before I start my period (which has been part of the problem in the past.....just ovulating too late and not having time for this to happen).
I want this to be the cycle that I finally get pregnant with a healthy pregnancy. It would be so perfect. We could have an ultrasound at the RE's office early on (around 8 weeks) and see the heartbeat. We've agreed to tell the family once we see the heartbeat (which can be seen as early as 6 weeks, but waiting until 8 weeks ensures that we should see it and will eliminate the chance of unneeded stress.) With the timing.....if we got it this cycle we could tell everyone at Christmas. That would be so fun! I'm hopeful, however after 31 cycles, I'm also realistic, and I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I guess we'll know in a few weeks.
I'm still not testing early though. It causes too much heartache!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
It's been awhile.
I haven't been posting anywhere in a couple of weeks....except on JustMommies. I've been in a bit of a funk about life in general. Just passed my Dad's birthday and in January we'll hit 2 years since he passed away (how is it freaking possible that it's been that long!) and I also just passed the 2 year anniversary of my first miscarriage. That sucks. Still no baby. Still not pregnant. I never imagined it would take so long.
This cycle is the first time that I took Clomid. The cycle started on October 10th (the anniversary of my miscarriage no less!) and I took Clomid on CD 3-7. What it does (if I got this right) is blocks communication in the body so that my body thinks I'm not producing estrogen. The hypothalamus responds by producing more GnRH which then stimulates the pituitary to produce FSH. In a normal cycle healthy follicles produce estrogen, which signals the hypothalamus to reduce production of FSH. Because the Clomid is blocking communications, FSH is still being produced resulting in larger, healthier and potentially more eggs. Then, when you stop taking the Clomid the body reacts to the estrogen, cutting off the FSH, and beginning production of LH, which leads to the release of the eggs.
I felt really excited early in the cycle, but I didn't post because I was afraid to jinx it. Now....IDK, not feeling it so much. I guess just my way of preparing for the letdown I've gotten every other month. I haven't ovulated yet. Should be in the next few days. We should definitely have things covered when the time comes. Matt has been making "deposits" daily at least. I don't know what's gotten into us but we're like newlyweds again! lol I won't be testing early this cycle. It has caused too much heartache so far. I'm waiting until I'm late. I won't test before November 15th, at which point I'm basically sure to get a positive because I'll be a week late by then.
I have to go in on CD 21 and have my progesterone levels checked again to see if the Clomid has fixed that problem.....which it should (we hope). Other than that, the rest of this cycle should be pretty boring. I'll post the results of the progesterone check when I get them. (possibly on the 31st, but I may get stuck waiting until Nov. 3rd to get them. Why oh why do my tests always fall at the end of the week, making me wait all weekend for results?!?) After that, I'll let you know what my RE says in regards to my progesterone levels, and let you know either if AF shows up or when I test.
This cycle is the first time that I took Clomid. The cycle started on October 10th (the anniversary of my miscarriage no less!) and I took Clomid on CD 3-7. What it does (if I got this right) is blocks communication in the body so that my body thinks I'm not producing estrogen. The hypothalamus responds by producing more GnRH which then stimulates the pituitary to produce FSH. In a normal cycle healthy follicles produce estrogen, which signals the hypothalamus to reduce production of FSH. Because the Clomid is blocking communications, FSH is still being produced resulting in larger, healthier and potentially more eggs. Then, when you stop taking the Clomid the body reacts to the estrogen, cutting off the FSH, and beginning production of LH, which leads to the release of the eggs.
I felt really excited early in the cycle, but I didn't post because I was afraid to jinx it. Now....IDK, not feeling it so much. I guess just my way of preparing for the letdown I've gotten every other month. I haven't ovulated yet. Should be in the next few days. We should definitely have things covered when the time comes. Matt has been making "deposits" daily at least. I don't know what's gotten into us but we're like newlyweds again! lol I won't be testing early this cycle. It has caused too much heartache so far. I'm waiting until I'm late. I won't test before November 15th, at which point I'm basically sure to get a positive because I'll be a week late by then.
I have to go in on CD 21 and have my progesterone levels checked again to see if the Clomid has fixed that problem.....which it should (we hope). Other than that, the rest of this cycle should be pretty boring. I'll post the results of the progesterone check when I get them. (possibly on the 31st, but I may get stuck waiting until Nov. 3rd to get them. Why oh why do my tests always fall at the end of the week, making me wait all weekend for results?!?) After that, I'll let you know what my RE says in regards to my progesterone levels, and let you know either if AF shows up or when I test.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Surgery is over
I had my surgery yesterday. I'm doing okay. Starting to feel it a bit more. I screwed up though and was only taking my pain meds every 9 hours instead of every 4 (Because I was feeling fine, and now I'm hurting. Not to terrible, but enough that I know it's happened! Turns out I don't have endometriosis. I has some adhesions on the posterior cul-de-sac of the fallopian tubes where they pick up the fertilized egg, so he removed those, and said it should significantly increase our chances of conception. I'm allowed to start trying again next week (and shouldn't ovulate until probably the week after or later.) so hopefully I'll be pregnant soon!
For now I am off to bed to relax and maybe nap. Percocet makes me loopy! :P
For now I am off to bed to relax and maybe nap. Percocet makes me loopy! :P
Saturday, September 13, 2008
catching up
OK class, we have a lot to cover today to catch up to where we should be, so I need everyone to quiet down and.......oh who am I kidding? lol We all know you are the only one reading this Kelly!
Here's the deal. Matt's semen analysis I talked about it the last entry got canceled, and I was furious to say the least. It was starting to look like we might not get it done any time soon when my new doctor (the RE) came through for us. Well, his staff anyway. We called and let them know what was going on and they squeezed him in to get it done after my appointment on the 8th. So I went on the 5th to get my progesterone levels checked and they inform me that this test has to be sent away and that the results won't be back until Monday sometime. GRRR! I needed them Monday morning, I told them that when I called to schedule and specifically asked if they could do the test in their lab! So now I'm in a pissy mood again and pretty sure I'm done with that clinic.(On top of lying to me about doing the test in house, they made me sit and wait over an hour for them to draw one flipping tube of blood! And charged me like $165.00 for it!
Anywho....on the 8th we went to the RE's office for our first visit with him. I just gotta say...this doctor is AWESOME! He looks over my charts, and my tests that I had faxed over. He asks some questions and then tells us we have several options. He lays out all these options, most of which involve testing, surgery and meds, in one particular order or another, and all ending in really expensive fertility treatments. Then he said...."Now let me lay out what I truly believe is the best option for the two of you." So it sounded great and here is the new plan:
First, we are taking a break from trying to conceive.
We got my progesterone test back, and they are low. Not horribly low, but just enough to screw things up. This will be fixed by a prescription of either Clomid or Femara. Second we did Matt's semen analysis. They check three areas...count (how many are there), motility (are the forward moving), and morphology (are the the right size with one head and one tail). They wanted his count to be around 20 million, motility at 50% and morphology at 4%. Higher is even better. His results.......count 100 million, motility 67.9% and morphology 7%. They said he has super sperm.
He told us he expected this to be pretty normal, and it was above normal. He really believes that the entire problem lies within me. He's sure that I have endometriosis, so I go in Wednesday (the 17th) at noon to have a laparoscopic surgery done to confirm that and remove all the endometrial tissue that's wandering around inside my body. Since I'm already under anesthesia and he is already doing the lap, he's also going to do a hysteroscopy that day. That's were they dilate my cervix and go in with a scope to check out my uterus, tubes and ovaries. There are other ways to check them, but this way he can make any repairs immediately, and I only have to be under the anesthesia once. It's an out patient surgery and I'll be home that night, so no biggie. I have to take it easy for the rest of the week and Monday I'm back to normal activities.
After I heal from the surgery and we are cleared to start TTC again, then I will get the prescription for Clomid or Femara and we will try on our own for a few more months. (possibly as many as 6 months, but it's entirely up to Matt and I) He really thinks that we are going to be able to get pregnant on our own once we have this surgery done, and because of the meds, there is still going to be an elevated chance of twins!
I'm really nervous about the surgery, but I also know that it's very likely that I am going to get pregnant soon after this, so it's also very exciting. I'll update after the surgery but don't expect to hear anything before Friday or Saturday. Pain meds make me REALLY loopy, so I probably won't feel up to posting much of anything before then.
Here's the deal. Matt's semen analysis I talked about it the last entry got canceled, and I was furious to say the least. It was starting to look like we might not get it done any time soon when my new doctor (the RE) came through for us. Well, his staff anyway. We called and let them know what was going on and they squeezed him in to get it done after my appointment on the 8th. So I went on the 5th to get my progesterone levels checked and they inform me that this test has to be sent away and that the results won't be back until Monday sometime. GRRR! I needed them Monday morning, I told them that when I called to schedule and specifically asked if they could do the test in their lab! So now I'm in a pissy mood again and pretty sure I'm done with that clinic.(On top of lying to me about doing the test in house, they made me sit and wait over an hour for them to draw one flipping tube of blood! And charged me like $165.00 for it!
Anywho....on the 8th we went to the RE's office for our first visit with him. I just gotta say...this doctor is AWESOME! He looks over my charts, and my tests that I had faxed over. He asks some questions and then tells us we have several options. He lays out all these options, most of which involve testing, surgery and meds, in one particular order or another, and all ending in really expensive fertility treatments. Then he said...."Now let me lay out what I truly believe is the best option for the two of you." So it sounded great and here is the new plan:
First, we are taking a break from trying to conceive.
We got my progesterone test back, and they are low. Not horribly low, but just enough to screw things up. This will be fixed by a prescription of either Clomid or Femara. Second we did Matt's semen analysis. They check three areas...count (how many are there), motility (are the forward moving), and morphology (are the the right size with one head and one tail). They wanted his count to be around 20 million, motility at 50% and morphology at 4%. Higher is even better. His results.......count 100 million, motility 67.9% and morphology 7%. They said he has super sperm.
He told us he expected this to be pretty normal, and it was above normal. He really believes that the entire problem lies within me. He's sure that I have endometriosis, so I go in Wednesday (the 17th) at noon to have a laparoscopic surgery done to confirm that and remove all the endometrial tissue that's wandering around inside my body. Since I'm already under anesthesia and he is already doing the lap, he's also going to do a hysteroscopy that day. That's were they dilate my cervix and go in with a scope to check out my uterus, tubes and ovaries. There are other ways to check them, but this way he can make any repairs immediately, and I only have to be under the anesthesia once. It's an out patient surgery and I'll be home that night, so no biggie. I have to take it easy for the rest of the week and Monday I'm back to normal activities.
After I heal from the surgery and we are cleared to start TTC again, then I will get the prescription for Clomid or Femara and we will try on our own for a few more months. (possibly as many as 6 months, but it's entirely up to Matt and I) He really thinks that we are going to be able to get pregnant on our own once we have this surgery done, and because of the meds, there is still going to be an elevated chance of twins!
I'm really nervous about the surgery, but I also know that it's very likely that I am going to get pregnant soon after this, so it's also very exciting. I'll update after the surgery but don't expect to hear anything before Friday or Saturday. Pain meds make me REALLY loopy, so I probably won't feel up to posting much of anything before then.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Semen Analysis
Matt has to go in later today for his semen analysis. On Friday I'll have to go get blood drawn to check my progesterone levels, and then Monday it's off to the RE to see if he wants to follow through with the plan for an immediate IUI or if he wants to try something else first. The way things look now, we might have to try a few cycles of Clomid and trying on our own before we go to IUI, but I'm okay with that because now insurance is going to help pay for the treatment. (We thought we had to pay it all out of pocket and even had plans of borrowing against Matt's retirement to do it!) If insurance is going to cover some, if not all of the treatments, then sure......I'll try a few cycles just doing medication. Maybe that's all I really need. And if not....well, it gives me time to knock off some more weight before getting fat again! lol Part of me is still hoping that we are going to do an IUI right away though. Guess I'll find out on Monday!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Prayers are being answered!
There are people all over the world now (thanks to friends I've made online) who are praying about my situation. I'd asked for tons of prayers about my appointment yesterday. I wanted God to guided the doctor and lead him where ever I needed to go treatment wise. I had never seen this doctor before and honestly expected that he would order some blood work, write a prescription for Clomid, progesterone, and possibly Metaformin (for PCOS which we are sure I have. blood work and an ultrasound will confirm that) and send me on my way to try that for at least a few cycles.
During the appointment things were going pretty much the way I expected. He did a pap/pelvic exam, he ordered bloodwork, and he started talking meds. He mentioned that we needed to have an official semen analysis (we did one that we bought over the internet that just gave a simple answer of you have enough or your don't have enough) they need exact counts and such, which we expected. He said we could try Clomid and that may take care of everything.......then he threw me for a loop. I really didn't expect this....at least not this soon. He looked me straight in the face and said...."I feel like if we do clomid or any other medicated cycle at this point I am just wasting your time and stealing your money." He went on to say he doesn't really believe that they problem is with either one of us, but a combination of problems with both of us and so he immediately referred us on to a reproductive endocrinologist and recommended IUI using Clomid and a trigger shot to induce ovulation.
I was shocked at first, but the more I think about this the more excited I get. There is a high success rate using IUI and when you use Clomid or IUI you have the chance of multiple. Combining them, we have a very real chance of ending up with twins! My appointment with the RE is on September 5th, and I should be starting my next cycle right about then also, so it's a very real possibility that we could be starting this next month!!!
Here is a link that will tell you a bit more about the procedure if you are interested. It's not a real romantic way to get a baby, but if it gives me a baby that's the important thing! lol
IUI
During the appointment things were going pretty much the way I expected. He did a pap/pelvic exam, he ordered bloodwork, and he started talking meds. He mentioned that we needed to have an official semen analysis (we did one that we bought over the internet that just gave a simple answer of you have enough or your don't have enough) they need exact counts and such, which we expected. He said we could try Clomid and that may take care of everything.......then he threw me for a loop. I really didn't expect this....at least not this soon. He looked me straight in the face and said...."I feel like if we do clomid or any other medicated cycle at this point I am just wasting your time and stealing your money." He went on to say he doesn't really believe that they problem is with either one of us, but a combination of problems with both of us and so he immediately referred us on to a reproductive endocrinologist and recommended IUI using Clomid and a trigger shot to induce ovulation.
I was shocked at first, but the more I think about this the more excited I get. There is a high success rate using IUI and when you use Clomid or IUI you have the chance of multiple. Combining them, we have a very real chance of ending up with twins! My appointment with the RE is on September 5th, and I should be starting my next cycle right about then also, so it's a very real possibility that we could be starting this next month!!!
Here is a link that will tell you a bit more about the procedure if you are interested. It's not a real romantic way to get a baby, but if it gives me a baby that's the important thing! lol
IUI
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
In need of prayers
I go to the doctor on Friday. I just need answers. I had another miscarriage. I got four days to enjoy my pregnancy with this precious angel. Five angels in heaven now. I don't know how much more I can handle.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Appointments
I have a doctors appointment on the 17th. My cycles lately have been so short and light that I am worried something might be wrong. The good thing is that with my cycles being messed up, they can order some of the more expensive tests like the HSG as medically needed and insurance has to cover it. If it was ordered just for fertility reasons they wouldn't.
I'm hoping that I can get in and get that done right away because I don't really want to wait another cycle to have it done, and it has to be done BEFORE ovulation. If I can't get it scheduled immediately I probably won't get to do it this month.
I have a women's lunch/cleaning day at the church in a few hours. I am going to ask all the ladies to pray about this for me. I've been wanting to be pregnant for so long, and I am really starting to lose hope that it's ever going to happen naturally. I don't know if I can convince Matt that IVF or IUI is something we can do, because he is so worried about the cost. I really need this to happen soon. The stress is really starting to get to me.
I'm hoping that I can get in and get that done right away because I don't really want to wait another cycle to have it done, and it has to be done BEFORE ovulation. If I can't get it scheduled immediately I probably won't get to do it this month.
I have a women's lunch/cleaning day at the church in a few hours. I am going to ask all the ladies to pray about this for me. I've been wanting to be pregnant for so long, and I am really starting to lose hope that it's ever going to happen naturally. I don't know if I can convince Matt that IVF or IUI is something we can do, because he is so worried about the cost. I really need this to happen soon. The stress is really starting to get to me.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Welcome
Hey there! Come on in. Have a seat. The door is always open. There is always a pitcher of sweet tea or ice water, and it'll only take a minute to whip up some lemonaide or brew some fresh coffee.
Now that you've found me, let me tell you a little about me. My name is Stephanie. I was born on May 9th 1980. I had a mother, and the best father in the world! I love my Daddy so much. I also miss him alot too. Daddy was called home to heaven on January 22, 2007. I was by his side, and letting go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't think I would have survived this if it weren't for my amazing husband Matthew.
I met Matt online. We started "dating" online in October of 2005. My divorce from my first husband had finalized the month before and people were pretty sure that this whole on-line thing was just a phase I was going through. In a way they were right! 5 months after we started "dating" and 3.5 months after meeting face to face, I packed up my kids, my car and I moved halfway across the country to be with Matt! He's a wonderful husband and an amazing father.
Speaking of the kids, let me tell you just a little bit about them. I am the proud mother to six beautiful children and proud step-mother to three more! My heart is full! Sadly my home is not. 4 of my children are angels as are all 3 of my step children. They never walked on this earth, all 7 of them were called to heaven while still in the womb, but they were real, and they were loved none the less. I'm sure any mother who has suffered through a miscarriage can understand exactly what I mean when I say my babies were real. And I feel the same way about my step-angels. I did not know their mother. I didn't meet their father until after they were gone, but he loved them very much, and they were a part of him. For that reason, I love them too. My two living children are Sierra and Will. Sierra was born on April 11th, 1998. A few years later, on June 10th, 2001 William came into our world.
Matt and I have been trying to conceive our first living child together since March of 2006. This is going to be the story of our journey. There will be ups and downs. There will be happy times, and sad times. Hopefully there will be more happy times, but whatever God has planned for us, we will take it and be stronger, better people because of it.
Thank you for taking this journey with us. Feel free to ask questions and offer support along the way. I love sharing with people, but know that I will not allow anyone to be negative or less than supportive here. Any comments that are rude or judgmental will be deleted. After all, this is my place, and I have the right to make sure this is a safe place for me and for my angels.
Peace be with you,
Stephanie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
