Round Three

I definitely started. I am now on cycle day 3 which means I start my Clomid tonight. I am also going to the doctor in a couple of hours to see about getting an antidepressant. I hate to do it, but I am so tired of always being unhappy. Hopefully this will help me keep my mood swings in check and give me a chance to function normally in society. I wrote a little bit about it over on my main journal if you want to read that. HOME IN THE HEARTLAND. I just don't want to go in and be told I have to stop trying to get pregnant. I really don't believe that will do me any good. Besides....I plan on doing that in a few more months if this medicine doesn't work. I just want to give it a chance to do what it is supposed to do. It's definitely doing something judging by my last cycle. I have 3 more refills. That means if I am not pregnant before then, my last round of Clomid will be in March 2009. That's also the 3 year mark. If I make it to three years I plan on taking a break, losing a ton of weight and just getting generally healthier (physically and mentally) and save up some money before I try again. Then I'll try a couple months on my own and if nothing I'll call in the big guns (IVF) I just have to convince Matt that IVF is an option we can consider. He's kind of holding me to a comment I made during a moment where I was severely depressed earlier in the week. I said that I didn't want to buy any more OPK's or HPT's and that if Clomid didn't work I was done. That I wasn't putting any more money into something that was never going to happen. He seems to think that he will be fine if we never have more kids and that since he is okay with it, I should be too. The fact remains....I'm not. I've tried to be, but I want more children. I want at least one more baby, one more time to experience all of it.

I guess for now all I can do is pray that the Clomid works and that if it doesn't, I can convince Matt to change his mind.